Thursday, December 31, 2009
And so 2009 comes to an Abrupt End.
And yes, this is the last post of the year. I guess I will remember 2009 as it has been a very bad year for me. A year in which many things took place and changed me completely. The year was a blur. Everything happened so fast and sudden.
I started the year on a bad note. I wasn't mentally prepared to enter army as I had only a couple of days to prepare myself after I had came back from overseas. My self esteem took a serious dip when I got back my A level results. I was terribly sad as I did very badly despite studying so hard and it didn't help that I was once a straight As student. During that same period, things got worse when all my close guy friends got posted to OCS while I was left alone in SISPEC. I felt horrible and lousy about myself.
2009 made me also realise that not many close friendships last and remain that way. Maybe it's an army thing? I don't know. It just felt so hard to find someone to talk to when I was feeling so down and depressed because everyone outside seemed to be so busy with their lives. However, that made me more independent I guess? That's what army is for, isn't it, to toughen up a person.
I guess the worst thing that happened as a result of it all was my skeptism towards my own religion. I lost faith in the church and christians. I always thought that christians will be the ones whom I could turn to when I needed help. I always thought they knew army guys needed the most help and encouragements spiritually, but I felt so let down time after time again. I felt so discouraged till there was this period of time I wanted to take a break from christianity as I felt I needed a break. No one really knew, because no one actually asked or noticed. Church has always been a major part of my life, hence when it ceased to exist in my life, everything else crumbled apart. But yeah, I'm still attending church if you're wondering.
However, one should not only look at one side of the situation and ignore the other. 2009 has its good times as well, but just not many I guess.
I should be thankful that even though I got kicked out of my estate, I have a roof to live under. I should be thankful that even though I have drifted away from many close friends, I still have people to talk to. I should be thankful that despite not being close to church people, I still have a church to attend.
Army isn't entirely bad too. Army has forced me to mature further and take on responsibilities beyond my age. Army has allowed me to meet people from different sides of societies, widening my myopic view of the singaporean society and understand the different problems they face. Army has taught me how to treasure people when you suddenly realise you don't want to lose or drift away from them like the others have. Army has taught me how to fully ultilise my free time as the amount of free time we have is so volatile and limited. For a period of time, I wrote out schedules with timings to meet for my weekends so I won't waste any moment of it as it was too precious.
So now any new year resolutions for the next year? Undo all the wrongs that I made this year I guess..
Right now at this point of time, I wish I am in church at the watch-night service counting down or something but unfortunately I'm going back to camp now to serve my COS duty till tomorrow night! What a spoiler. Happy New Year friends and may 2010 be a better year.
Posted at 9:20 PM
