Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Today I got to go home for dinner with my parents. It was normal home-cooked food, but it was the best meal that I've had in a long time and I was really very happy. I really miss eating home-cooked food on a weekday. I can't wait for my sister to be back so we can finally eat as a family at home regularly after so many years.

I got posted to my new company today and it was really stressful for us. That will be my life till november next year. Went through a whole lot of shit yesterday but overall it was a fun experience going through the whole initiation process. Doing push-ups in the muddy river was classic and hilarious. Drinking 8cans of pepsi, ice cream soda and rootbeer really made me puke last night and I will not drink soft drinks for some time, I think.

Did I mention that I'm reading a book now? Yes it's true. I finally bought my first book in like ages.

Posted at 9:41 PM 0 comments



Saturday, September 26, 2009

The more I try to be committed, the more discouraged I feel. Maybe I might just be better off going back to my 2hours every sunday routine until a miracle happens. Somehow. That way I won't have to feel awkward and like a stranger anymore.

Somehow church is the last place I would ever want to feel that way because we're supposed to feel loved and like a family to each other there.

Timing.

Posted at 8:58 PM 0 comments




I don't really know how to start this post, but I'll just start off here anyway.

In the past, I used to wonder why some of my christian friends would want to leave church, not go church at all or not be commited to church people but still attend services. All these so even though they have been there for a significant period of time and I know they still love God to a certain extent.

Now I really feel it's retribution to me from some higher authority above. Sometimes I just wished I cared a little more for my not as close church friends who were under me back in the old church. Message them more throughout the week, call them up more often and ask them out more rather than just being more bothered about my studies and going out with my church clique most of the time. If I did so, maybe they would have stayed on?

Now that I'm in their shoes, I know why they always quickly leave the moment the pastor closes the service or when cell group ends. Why? Perhaps due to lack of belonging, or rather the older ones like us didn't put in extra effort to break out of our comfort zones and make them feel more comfortable in church. How selfish I feel of myself then. Serve, serve and serve. What's the point of serving God in church so much when serving Him makes you further away from your people, right?

Sometimes I feel that what they wished was for more church people to be involved in their lives, to show a little more concern. Not just on saturdays/sundays but during the week when actual shit does happen.

Maybe that's something that relates more to me during this point of time. Most of the time, I start the week off telling myself I will try to go cell or maybe stay on after service but when it's mid-week I'm normally feel too discouraged to want to go. Bad.

Okay I shall stop.

Haha. Beats me why I decided to post such a lengthy post.. I really want to watch the f1 race but too bad I'm booking in saturday night for sunday duty. Sian!

Posted at 1:58 AM 0 comments



Saturday, September 19, 2009



Overseas. My parents asked me whether I wanted to go and study overseas earlier today, either in Australia or UK. I really didn't expect that coming. For a period of time I was very keen on flying over to Australia to study before I decided to just remain in Singapore.

Six years overseas is indeed a long period of time. Six.

Education is really one big headache. I do not really fancy the competitiveness of the education system here, yet I can't bear to stay overseas for so long. I really desire the laid-back lifestyle the aussies have. Then again, what do I have left to lose if I fly over?

For now, all I see ahead of me is just myself taking a fairly ordinary course in an uptown university feeling stressed and all to speak up in class.

Posted at 11:49 PM 0 comments





Life's just like a rock concert, ain't it?
When the music stops,
The hype, fun & excitement gone,
We'll just find ourselves empty once more.

Posted at 12:15 AM 0 comments



Friday, September 11, 2009

i feel so sad.

what a pathetic way to express myself.

Posted at 10:17 PM 0 comments



Friday, September 04, 2009

One year ago, during this exact same period of the year, I made a stupid decision. A decision I really regret badly now.

Never expected it to have such lasting negative effects spiritually, etc.

Will things ever be the same?

Posted at 9:26 PM 0 comments