Sunday, May 27, 2007

The "Raffles Open" competition cum workshop today has taught me a lot.

VJC Team1 which is my line won the competition. we totally didn't expect ourselves getting anywhere near the top when we came for the competition. it meant a lot to us, as a line, and as a team. i think my team played exceptionally well today, all of us.

somehow, joy that is derived from being a champion doesn't serve much purpose in my life. i've achieved many things in life and after achieving all these, it does not seem as glorious as how i would have expected it to be. i find chasing achievements meaningless. it doesn't make me a happier person, neither does it make my life fuller. it's all nothing but a chasing of the wind.

today jill quek the professional world-class floorballer shared with all the competitors about her life story. about how when reaching the top she found nothing but emptiness. she went on to share about how God changed her life from then now and they managed to get herself out from that stage in life and achieve even more. i was quite shocked that she had so much courage to share about God in her life. it related so much to me. this year, i haven't been really very into church for a couple of reasons unlike in the past when i was so pure and holy. my life have been rather secularised. if only i could find a way back.

so why do i say that winning a small competition like this mean so much to us as a line and as a team?

firstly, us as line 1 hasn't been playing up to expectations ever since line 1 has been formed. we were supposed to be the best line of the team but apparently it wasn't showing any results in trainings and friendlies. but i guess it's too late as the new coach will most probably split up our line. :( i guess i might have to shift to another line as my floorball isn't that fantastic these days.

seondly, our floorball team is a sport in vj which is rather neglected and often mocked at by people. the school would rather push their resources to other sports which they deem as more significant. in addition, they feel that the floorball cca is just a white elephant as they would rather use the hockey guys instead. nonsense. they think just because this the the first year we started out as a cca are we taken that lightly? come on, you people don't even want to hire for us a coach and we have to end up finding our own coach and paying for his sessions with our own money. so far we have only had 3 sessions with the new coach. and i'm proud of the team that we have come so far even though we have no coach. we want to make a name for floorball. i really hope we can present the trophy to the principal in front of the whole school and make a name for our cca, for our beloved sport. we shall prove to the school that we're not some white elephant and lousy team.

i guess i really went all out as a team player today. i was really determined to win. i didn't care. but i was quite affected when i scored an own goal today. i really didn't expect myself scoring an own goal, but i guess it's all part and parcel of team sports. i chose to sit out most of the time during the semis because i didn't want to let my mood affect the team. i applied what the coach taught and did my best to hold the ball. :)

i'm tired, i shall stop blogging now.

Posted at 12:11 AM 0 comments



Friday, May 25, 2007

i've failed many tests, despite studying hard.

so what now..

give up?

no way man..

i realised i shouldn't be wallowing in self-pity and complain about how depressing life is. i've decided not to let all these problems weigh me down.

i've decided not to let all these affect my mood and emotions.

that's because i know that when i'm not in a very good mood i tend to hurt people with my words and actions unintentionally, and i've learnt from many past mistakes that friendships and relationships are not something that are very secure. these are meant to be treasured and guarded.

in addition, when im in a bad mood, i tend to be a more solemn and dull person. it affects my training tremendously. for the past month my mood has been very on/off and it has affected my floorball, my gameplay and everything. now i have to start from beginning.

i shall be a happy person, like how i always am to people. :)

sorry friends about the past month. i will be a better person, i promise. :)

"out of the darkness and into the sun"..

Posted at 12:03 AM 0 comments



Monday, May 21, 2007

i feel so disappointed and depressed.

i don't understand why all these must happen now.

i really wish the situation would improve.

i need to play better. :(

Posted at 11:59 PM 0 comments



Sunday, May 20, 2007

hahahaha.

i just found out that the RJ soccer keeper was actually my childhood bestfriend.

and to think i just found out.

hahahaha.

for a moment i forgot that he was in soccer.

i can't wait for the RJC floorball friendly match tommorrow.

then can also go meet up with people like jake, john, blah blah..

Posted at 6:22 PM 0 comments



Saturday, May 19, 2007

i look at myself, and i ask myself

"is this the real me?"

i know my thoughts and the way i behave more than anyone else. i've hid most of my negative traits, but it just seems to haunt me. i think i'm very mean now, less sensitive to people's feelings. i think i've also become very vuglar, just that i refrain in front of people.

where's the old jt.. i want him back.

okok. change topic.

soccer boys lost their semis yesterday to RJC on penalties. i heard many people cried. it was the first time in many years that VJC had failed to enter the soccer finals.

i guess our guys floorball team must all the more do our best to get at least 3rd and better for our inter-school in july. i have strong faith in our team at the rate we're improving.

RJC has been stealing away many of the guys' title this year. all the more i feel determined to win RJC. this coming monday we will be going down to RJC for a friendly match with them, both guys and girls. i'm really looking forward to it. really. we must do VJC proud athough it's only a friendly match.

Posted at 9:48 PM 0 comments



Wednesday, May 16, 2007

today, one of the most embarrassing things that ever happenned to me in school happenned.

ahhhhh.

i still can't believe it happenned.

i have this really bad habit of changing at random places.

today was my unlucky day. =\

i shall not elaborate.

all i know is that i should just change in the toilets.

haha!

so embarrassing.... =\

Posted at 9:13 PM 0 comments



Tuesday, May 15, 2007

woah man. i really hate this type of lifestyle.

i'm getting really tired of school.

last night i accidentally slept at 10pm.

i had close to 9hours of sleep!

then i woke up this morning and realised i had my A level chemistry SPA practical exam this morning. i literally forgot about it. i'm serious. thankfully, it rained and i had time in the car to revise.

ahh.

school is really so very tiring.

Posted at 11:36 PM 0 comments



Saturday, May 12, 2007

power.

what would you do if you had power?

would you misuse it and use it for selfish gains?

i wonder, i wonder.

power corrupts.

okay, on a totally unrelated issue...

today, particular good friend from church told me "jt!! you seem so happy and cheerful today.. unlike last time.. because you're happy then of course we also happy..." there were smiles and laughters. i had to admit i was a little high at that time, unlike my usual self on saturdays when im with church people, so alone and isolated.

i realised how much i can affect people through my emotions and feelings. i'm certainly glad i made them less worried about me and amde them happy. i really want to see people happy. it's for that reason that i rather appear happy most times. i'm sorry guys that i'm no longer like before, although i certainly wished to. many many things have changed. i do miss the good old times too, the movie outings, the old-gang clique, the havoc days in 2004. you guys are the best. it's just so sad, the old-jt is no longer present.

i seem to be reliving the past. the way i used to live my life before in 2004, just different people. digging up the old songs and listening to them, remembering the nostalgic past. those freaking emo songs. haha. i swear year 2007 is so similar to 2004. equally screwed up.

my life.

i guess i'm not going to bother myself with certain issues. if you want to do things this way then let it be. i've already forgiven you. i'm not going to let this issue make me angry and all. i don't really care about my pride under such circumstances anymore.

i want to be happy.

so others can be happy. :)

Posted at 10:05 PM 0 comments



Friday, May 11, 2007

ever since my sister went to london, i have been having the whole house to myself at many times.

and oh how i love those moments.

being alone at home without anyone around.

just me and myself and my privacy.

today was one of the few days.

it was pretty cool how i fell asleep while waiting for my piano teacher to come. how i had those realistic dreams that i struggled to break out from, only to find myself falling asleep. oh boy. what an evening nap it was..



i dislike the way you manage things. i hate being treated this way. this isn't the treatment i'm supposed to receive for doing this much. it's so urgh.. i guess its just me and my big ego.

Posted at 9:39 PM 0 comments



Thursday, May 10, 2007

i felt so relieved just now going out on a thursday night.

it was time i took my mind off my daily stressful routine. taking my mind off my workload and my A level SPA tommorrow.

trainings havent been going too well recently. it has been depressing, too depressing for me to enjoy training. i expect too much from myself.

i went to catch spiderman 3 with chiaweei, peiying and xianglin. it was the 2nd clique movie outing we had, unfortunately the rest had already watched it.

sorry i'm slow but i have to say...

spiderman3 is really an emo show.

too emo for spiderman's sake.

spiderman's supposed to be all about action and stuffs like that, but i ended up feeling very very emo during the movie. Haha. my actions didn't show otherwise.

i just do not wan to feel this way,

but

sometimes i can't help it.

being too emotional certainly isn't good for a guy. guys are stereotyped to be emotionless freaks. hah.

Posted at 11:09 PM 0 comments



Tuesday, May 08, 2007

oh man.

i got freaking molested in the canteen today.

north south east west.


i'm a very sensitive person okay?

i can't take such stuff..

HAHA.

i meant the pokings.

i'm really very sensitive to people poking me.

before the finger even reaches me, i will just jump up.

i'm sure my classmates know very well..

HAHA. they just love poking me..

according to xianglin, today is "Bully the jt day". HAHA.

Posted at 11:11 PM 0 comments



Monday, May 07, 2007

Yesterday was one evening of an adventure.

I decided to go shooting with jonathan tee at punggol.

We had completely no idea where we were going. We just alighted off some random LRT station near some ulu river.. we then made our way down some dirt path by the side of the river.

It felt so not singapore.

There was a lalang field beside the river.

We walked along the river till we reach the tributary thing (sorry i forgot my geog crap). And there was a small stream leading inwards to the forest area. I tell you, singapore isn't all so urbanised.

All of a sudden i saw this black figure walking among the bushes.

I was like "oh my goodness". I thought i saw big foot or spotted some tribal people in that forest area.

Then the figure approached us.. it was an indian clothed with only a piece of underwear. I nearly thought he was some tribal person. He was not alone.. he was together with another man also clad in only UNDERWEAR. my goodness. apparently they seem to be foreign workers "fishing" for fishes in the mangrove area..

here's some pictures if you didnt get what i was trying to say.. (sorry for the explicit content)





really look like tribal people right?!?! Sorry to female readers for spoiling your eyes..

anyway, they looked abit dangerous like as if we can get raped any moment without anyone knowing.. so we carried on the path into the mangrove swamp. my foot got freaking stuck in the muddy waters.. it was getting dark, and we decided to cut through the forest through all the funny plants. OMG. the thing poked me until my leg so itchy. haha.

in the end we got ourselves out of the forest, only to find ourselves in a construction site. -.-"

we did the random shots at the top of the hdb flats and walked a mighty long way along the ulu road to the mrt.

what an adventurous day. HAHA.

Posted at 9:12 PM 0 comments



Sunday, May 06, 2007

Food.

I realised i have been spending all my money away on food.

I don't go out that much this year, yet my monthly allowance finishes up 1week before the month ends.

Blame it all on food.

Half the time you see me coming out of the canteen during school hours, i would be busy stuffing myself with food. In the classroom, you see me eating my breakfast at times. Everyday i would buy a dao sa pao in between lectures together with the dao sa pao people.

I really love eating don't i?

I feel that through a good meal i would be able to feel happy for a moment. Temporary sastisfaction of fleshly desires i would say.

Apart from food, i spend my money drinking coffee, those ice blended kind from coffee outlets. Why? Because i feel happy drinking it.

Eating and drinking (coffee) , however, does not seem to cure anything. Really. It's only a form of temporal escapism from the sad reality of life.

I guess the best way to end off such a post would be random photos of food i last took photos of..







Posted at 2:05 PM 0 comments



Friday, May 04, 2007

it's so late.

i stayed up and did my geometric progression for maths.

on a normal training day, i would just go home, eat my dinner, do the necessary stuff and go to sleep without doing any work.

but today was different.

i was determined.

i was just as tired and worn out as any other day.

but i decided not to let it get the better of me.

i sat there for 2 and a half hours and did my maths tutorial.

the words he said just ran through my mind.

that teacher.

i shall prove to you once more i can train, finish a GP essay and master a chapter of maths in half a day.

my subject teachers in VJ really hate me i swear.

i really miss my subject teachers in VS, they were far more understanding and concerned about our well-being.

i really think i got sent to the wrong class.

everyone's so smart and hardworking, while i'm stuck at the bottom struggling like a piece of unwanted crap to the teachers. just because i'm like the only one who at times doesn't do tutorials and my level of intelligence is apparently not as high as the others thus i get FREAKING PICKED ON. I'M PISSED. and it's SO OBVIOUS. what the hell. okay fine. i know i didn't do much work in the first 3 months but i've decided to change and have started doing my work long time ago. if only i had my VS teachers back. it's really a pity that my present chinese teacher is so very nice to us. i wished she could have taught me for other subjects..

argh.

it's not fair. other classes don't even do their tutorials and nothing happens to them..

i'm seriously in the wrong class.

perhaps even in the wrong school.

i feel much better at the top, where the air is fresher.

Posted at 1:55 AM 0 comments



Wednesday, May 02, 2007

what is life all about?

everything we do, our thing we sought to achieve is nothing but a chasing of the wind.

i know how i can find meaning,

but i just dont seem to get it right.

Posted at 10:33 PM 0 comments