Sunday, August 06, 2006

Studies is eating my life away. Literally. Health deterioting. Appetites stripped. Sleep compromised. Friendships strained. Loss of musical interest. A start to the many more to come.

I don't even have the time or mood to go online for the past week. What has become of this lifestyle? Is studying the key to life's answers? My answer is no. Then why do i still study, i ask myself? Apparently, the quickest answer i get from myself is that i study to maintain my performance to show people that even though i give much of my time to God and to the church, i can still do well. If there was no God in the picture, i guess i would still be studying just for myself. Selfish desires of man.

But if it is to glorify God, why has it been taking over my life? Well, that's where the whole big question comes in. That's because of this thing called "over pioritising". And yes, i have been a fool to fall for it. Now that i've learnt my mistake, i hope i won't over commit to my studies.

I seriously wish this whole education system was never in place. They claim it is a system based on meritocracy. Which means it is a system in which advancement is based on individual ability or achievement. Yes, i agree to it to a certain extent. But what about the people who work so hard, but cannot perform under pressure? What will happen to them? They are rated as "stupid" by their peers and parents, their entire lives are already marked by this sheer understatement of their exsistence. At the same time, drawing out a distinct mark between two groups of people. Doesn't it work out to be some what like the caste system in ancient India? All these streams and educations routes in life? I may not be deemed as one of them, but i feel for these people. That is one reason why i dislike the education system in Singapore. And that is my only area of discontentment with the Singapore government.

We, students, are the victims of it.

Yes, i applaud the government's move to break this mentality that has subconsciously grown in the minds of people that students who can't perform won't make it in life. The doing away of school rankings and such. They say education is the only way for Singapore to survive in this highly competitive society that we now live in. People predict that in a few years' time, you would have to obtain a masters to teach and in the distant future, a PHD to teach. Yes, that would be the future (as so predicted by them).

Nevertheless, being caught up in this meaningless rat race to persue the best educational path, i must always remember to be a christian first, then a student. I do not blame the government for coming up with such a system. But i know that they want the best for us, in their own perspective (Look how much Social Studies have brainwashed me, just kidding). It is so weird, how through the skills i obtained in the process of studying Social Studies, that i am able to look at the government's actions critically. A good thing or not, i do not know.

While others think of what careers they want in future, they asked me about mine. I thought for quite a while and realised something. I do not want to climb this career ladder with other people, desperate to reach the pinnacle of their careers. I guess i would settle for a job that gives me enough time for God, the church and my family. I rather have kids who have the love of God in their lives, rather than become spoilt brats with everything in life but the true essence of life, God. I have thought of becoming a psychiatrist for autistic children. I just feel so much for these children (no, i'm not a michael jackson). But i realised that in reaching my goal of becoming one, i would compromise everything else that i have believed in.

To end this rather reflective, yet impromptu post, i would choose to go wherever God calls me to. And i hope when i've reached that age, the beliefs i hold now would still remain.

Posted at 12:39 PM